Nota bene
Disclaimer: I've got to rant somewhere, so it's going to be here. If you don't want to hear/read about the bf situation, don't continue on.
I don't know what to do anymore. I love him. This much is clear to me. But he's making me question things I haven't questioned. And I'm not talking about political or religious stances; I'm talking about our relationship. It feels like he's doing things just to get under my skin at this point.
We have our differences. For the most part, we can just ignore them or accept them. But we're at this place right now were the road has forked and I'm going one way and he doesn't know which way he wants to travel. So I'm left waiting, while my clock is admittedly ticking. That's right folks, I'm ready to be a grown up with a house and a hubby and in a few years, a couple of brats to call my very own. That's what's supposed to happen when two people become graduates instead of students.
It almost ended last night. I went as far as to give him back the necklace he bought me for Christmas. He gave it back to me at the end of the night, but...I can't believe I did it. I just can't take this g-d waiting any more. Because I don't know what it is I'm waiting for. If I'm going to wait another six months or year to find out I'm wasting my time...I'll likely scream or become very violent.
Can you take a break from a four-year relationship without ending the relationship? This is what I'm wondering to myself. I'm not sure if I don't just need some time away from him to put it all in perspective. The trip to Texas is coming up, and that will be good for me, but what about the two weeks in between that are now going to be awkward. We have a wedding to go to tomorrow. This sort of stuff always happens when we have a wedding to go to. We already have an agreement that I'll duck out when the bouquet is thrown. That's how it works when we go to weddings.
I need a backbone. I don't know how to be without him anymore. Four years is a long time...quite frankly, people are starting to expect a certain amount of forward movement here. Not that it should matter what other people think but...it's getting harder to smile and nod sometimes.
I am no longer a happy person.
3 Comments:
I gave you most of my opinion earlier...so that'll have to suffice for most of it. But let me add this much more...you said you're not happy. Well...use the time in Texas to figure out what you need to make you happy - then do it. I know it's not that easy...but you have to try.
Karen, I'm not going to sit here and make you read about my feelings on Brett - you already know them. But I can say to you that Kerry was familiar to me as well, and although I wasn't happy in the relationship, I stayed because I would choose a known unhappiness over an unknown. That was a huge mistake on my part. I wasted a year of my life. If your relationship with Brett isn't working and if you're not happy, it's not right for you to keep things as they are. How could he be happy if you're not, anyway? Go ahead with the break if that's what you need. If it becomes permanent, there's a reason for that. Losing someone always hurts, but like Sarah said life is short. It took a lot for me to realize I don't want to waste any of my time on people and relationships that don't make me happy. If you take this break, sure you'll feel lonely and depressed, but not forever. But if something doesn't change, Brett doesn't start treating you better, and you do end up married anyway- that is forever. Think about it long and hard, and be brave. You alone know what you really need. All you have to do is find that knowledge within yourself and act on it. We're all here for you, no matter what happens.
I miss the tagboard. I have no experience with long term relationships so I have no basis to give an opinion but here it is anyway: a well-defineed break would do you good. I think you'd have to decide for yourself what that means whether it's not see Brett or anybody else or see other people... In your next post you said things were better but know that I'm here if you to talk to someone outside "The Gathering..."
Post a Comment
<< Home