Moments of Insecurity
So, despite all attempts to not think about work this week, I find myself thinking about nothing but work. Everything I screwed up in the past week, how I'm ever going to make up for it in the eyes of my colleagues, bosses and students. The students are the ones I'm really worried about; a few of them seem to think I've lost some paper work of theirs. This did happen once before, but the work wasn't lost, so much as placed in a drawer in a hurry and forgotten about until I went back into the drawer. This is not my hyper-organized, Type A self, the Lady Vader you all know and love. New Year's Resolution: Get back into the swing of being me.
Also, attempted some writing over the past few days. Quite frankly, I think I suck. Nothing feels good, all of my characters seem hollow, flat or (in the case of fan fiction) completely not who they are supposed to be. I don't know...maybe I really am not that good. I mean, let's be honest, do I suck? I think I might. I should probably give up all hopes of ever being really good and stop writing all together. I'm too sporadic about it, too whimsical. All my characters sound the same. New Year's Resolution: Find out if I really am a writer, or just a hack.
Went to buy my stuff for connecting my computer to the internet via the wireless web and swore at my parents' computer for 1/2 of an hour. Gave up and called the bf, who will be here on Thursday to make it all better. Hopefully. He can work miracles with all things electronic, so we shall hope that he knows something about it that I clearly do not. The guy at Best Buy, however, treated me like an utter moron, when I knew exactly what I needed.
Went to the mall by myself today, which is really a depressing situation. Walked into several stores, but nothing really fascinated me. Okay, well, I saw this REALLY cute Eeyore in The Disney Store, but I couldn't answer the "Where are you going to put it?" question, so I didn't buy it. He was only $10 too. Also went into a sports paraphenlia store hoping to buy a new Vikings' Jersey, but they didn't have any in my size and I wasn't paying $65 for something that didn't really fit. Guess I'll have to go online.
Did I tell you how I cleaned up my room on Monday in the snow? Yup, cleared out some knick knacks and culled the heard of 'literature' I've been collecting since high school. It didn't seem like a lot of outward progress, but I notice the difference. And so did my father. But that could just be that I vacuumed.
Reading my way through vacation. Hope those of you who have the time off are being equally relaxed.
5 Comments:
you'll be fine. You is good of teaching the english.
Which Eeyore...where? What did he look like?? I could use another cuddly friend. I've decided to replace real people with stuffed animals...I think it's a good plan...
Warm, soft, cuddly... and ready to strangle you the moment you let your guard down. I never trust stuffed animals. Their have the eyes of serial killers.
K - don't get too wigged out. Plus, you still have to tell me the full story. All you've told me is the abridged Cliff Notes version thus far.
See you tonight.
Ciao!
(really, I hate people who say that whenever they end a conversation... almost as much as people who say "that's not my job".... hmmm, then this isn't your warning letter, either.)
The Eeyore in question was white with a blue hooded jacket on. He had some other Disney friends dressed simliarly.
Darling girl...it could be worse, believe me. All you need is that occasional affirmation from teacher or student that you're doing well. And here comes one from a peer - if I had to take HS English again, I'd want a teacher like you. And you know me - I wouldn't say that if I didn't believe it 100%. Not to get catty, but I can think of some people who I definately wouldn't want teaching a class I took.
As for Tusc - man you laugh about eyes of serial killers, but when I was a kid I had this dream once...I won't go into details here, but believe you me, my lone Cabbage Patch doll was put away after that little fiasco...
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