I can't believe I'm about to type this...

...okay, so, after seeing Alexander yesterday, I now understand why some women like to see a little boy-on-boy action. Jared Leto (a deep-seated crush from "My So Called Life") and Collin Farrell were always thisclose to getting it on...and a damn pretty sight it would have been. I suppose that's what the director's cut is for. BF thought it was a little too out there as it was, but he's a straight male, and we know how comfortable they are with gay males.

So yeah, the movie was actually pretty good. The sex wasn't the over-the-top thing that the newspapers kept saying. The story DID jump around a bit, and I don't think we got to see Alexander really in his glory as far as commanding goes, but I am ready to go out and buy a book on the man to learn more. Which, I think if a movie does that, it deserves some credit.

Got a whole bunch of movies in the mail yesterday and of course I have lessons to plan and football to watch, so I don't know if I'll actually get to them today. That's okay though, 'cause bf will be gone for the middle part of this week, so I can watch 'em then. Hopefully my DVD player will be back at my house by then, too. It's been at school for forever 'cause I can't plug in my computer and speakers in at the same time on account of only having one power strip. Suckiness, indeed.

Oh yeah, and quizzes! I think they're pretty accurate. Except for maybe the last one. But that could just be my ignorance.


Green Tea...
You are Green Tea!
Strong and very smart you prefer peace to violence
and very rarely take action if it involves
confrontation. But you make up for this with
your keen insight and understanding of the
world and people around you, you have a very
mysterious nature. Many people see you as laid
back and that may be true but you are very
intelligent and make good decisions.


What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-}
brought to you by Quizilla


You are a Persian! You are quiet, gentle, and
loving, though sometimes you need extra
attention and care. Some might call you high
maintenance, but you just need to be pampered.


What breed of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Aura. You are calm, passive, intelligent,
and TO DAMN SKINNY! EAT SOMETHING! you are the
person to quietly ponder in the background
while everyone else is fighting for their
lives. You do not like to utilize your powers
often, making you the weakest and most
vulnerable one out of the group. However, you
are extremely compassionate, and kind, so you
eventually gain friendships of those who the
world has left rejected...You have control over
the wind, and you can teleport and douse with a
pendant

If you had a personality disorder, it would be
Avoidance, and Anorexia Nervousa (EAT
SOMETHING!) Overall, you are a very caring
person, don't ever change


If you were a story character, what would your personality be like?
brought to you by Quizilla

&(*&^&^%^%$^#$

My birthday is one week and one day away. This fact does not send tingles of joy up and down my spine. This fact makes me want to cry a lot and curl up under the covers with my cat and hope like hell it all just goes away and nothing horrible happens.

But, giving the conversations with the bf as of late, that's probably not going to be the case.

Turkey Day was okay, but with all the family togetherness and whatnot, it just makes me sad. Because I see lots of happy new families and I'm thinking "okay, what about me?" And of course, bf brings up this whole "what's wrong? I'm not sure still," stuff yesterday, which completely shoots the day in the thigh, when up until that point we only had a slight flesh wound. Spent some of my drive home crying. Feel like crying right now. Will probably go to the gym instead. Yes, weights.

Oh. I actually have lost 8lbs, but my body doesn't really look like it. Although other people have been noticing the weight loss. So now I realize I have to do weight lifting so I can get my stomach, thighs and arms to look like they're supposed to look when I weigh as much as I currently do. Goddamn weights.

Off I go! Hope everyone has slept the triptophan out of their systems.

Enter the Turkey

That's right folks, tomorrow we gorge on dead bird carcass and pie and fight with our families.

Well, some of you are doing things like that in various combinations.

Today at school a student had a seizure just down the hall from my room. Gave 4 tests. Just ate potato chips (bad Lady), and am digesting before I head off to the gym. Weights today (I abhor weights) and I'll probably do a little cardi too.

Hope everyone has a spectacular holiday.

"But why is the rum gone?"

Watched Pirates of the Carribbean last night with Mom. Go her, she actually managed to stay awake through it, especially impressive because it was a second viewing.

Even though most of my "readers" are in their 20s, don't you appreciate it when someone buys you a toy as a gift. Not something huge, but something little that reminded them of you? I love that sort of present; it's quirky. I do it all the time for the bf; I'm not sure he appreciates the quirkiness of it. His best friend did (I bought them a set of toys so they could play together...aren't I a thinker-aheader?)

Only a 2 1/2 day week. Aunt & Uncle will be here from CA. "Alexander" comes out this week. HP3 comes to my house on DVD hopefully this week. Life is good.

Words of Wisdom from Victor Hugo

After months of reading and not reading, I have finally consumed all 1463 pages of Les Miserables. Here are some of the things I walked away with.

On war budgets: "At six francs per shot,or three hundred million a year, gone up in smoke. This is only one item. Meanwhile, the poor are dying of hunger." (p. 367)

On the Spanish War: "It had this sad fate, that it invoked the image of neither a great war nor great politics." (p. 368)

On Paris: "Paris is the synonym of Cosmos. Paris is Athens, Rome, Sybaris, Jerusalem, Pantin. All civilizations are there in abridged edition, all barbaric eras too. Paris would be annoyed to lose its guillotine." (p. 590)

On love at first sight: "The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories that it has come to be disbelieved. Few people dare say nowadays that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet that is the way love begins, and only that way. The rest is only the rest, and comes afterwards. Nothing is more real than the great shocks that two souls give each other in exchanging this spark." (p. 896)

From the mouths of the inebriated: "Who's been unhooking the stars without my permission to put them on the table in the shape of candles?" (p. 1095)

On Equality: "Equality has an organ: free and compulsory education. The right to the alphabet, we must begin by that. The primary school obligatory for everyone, the higher school offered to everyone, such is the law. From identical schools spring an equal society. Yes, education!" (p. 1191)

On Revolutions: "To go to war at every summons and whenever Utopia desires it is not the part of the people. The nations do not have always at at every instant the temperament of heroes and martyrs." (p. 1239)

On the power of wine: "He returned...very thoughtful, a little cooled toward robbery, which had nearly ruined him, but turning with only the greater affection toward wine, which had just saved him." (p. 1331-2)

On wedding dates: "Marriages on Mardi Gras/Produce no ingrate brats." (p. 1365)

On Love (again): "To love or to have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life. To love is a consummation." (p. 1382)

On Dying: "The agony of deat may be said to meander. It comes and goes, moes on toward the grave, and turns back towards life. There is a groping in the act of dying." (p. 1458)

"You're so cute, Ms. T."

I kid you not, that is what one of my senior boys said to me today as I stood at the front of the room, arms folded across my chest, waiting for them to stop their mouths. All I could do was laugh because...seriously, what do you do in a situation like that?

I went through food today like it was going out of style. Started 5 am, after I'd been awake for an hour and fifteen minutes (whoo hoo wine hangover), with a bowl of Kashi oatmeal (quite yummy). Then, at 7:15 or so, a co-worker came in with bagels and I had a pumpkin one, no cream cheese. By 11 am, I was starving, and therefore ate a salad, a PBJ and an apple. By 2:25, I couldn't wait to eat my nutrition bar that I save for the drive to the gym. And I came home from said workout experience and ate a fat free Berry Bash yogurt. The scale is telling me I've lost another 6 lbs, but I think it's all water weight because I don't feel any skinnier.

My childhood friend who I'd just about given up on called me while I was at the gym. But when I called her back she was working so she said she'd call ME back later tonight. Since bf called and said he won't be home for a movie earlier than 10 or 10:30, I figure I'll be home.

The cat is staring at me. I have no idea what she wants. Apparently, a lap to sit on. Everyone, Cleo says hello.

Really, no subject required

Why Men Are Just Happier People? What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood -- all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Designer Babies & Grammar Lessons

Okay, so they are talking about designer babies on the radio. Folks, they aren't fucking special order porcelain dolls. You want to fix a congenital birth defect? Fine. Get rid of Down Syndrome? Understandable. But specifying eye color and leanings of talent? That's a little too fucking Stepford for me. Thankyouverymuch.

And now, for the even more interesting news: one of my senior classes wants to do grammar. They turned down a movie to do grammar. What sort of twilight zone have I slipped into? What are my students smoking? Ri-goddamn-diculous. So I'm going to teach grammar tomorrow. I figure by the end of the lesson on Friday, these kids'll be ready for something that looks nothing like grammar. Although I might do some creative writing with them later. They said they wanted to write stories, too. We shall see.

Two days and a row now I went to the gym. Everyone applaud my fat ass. Now if I could only motivate myself to get near the weight machines.

(No Subject)

Right now, I should very much be writing lesson plans and quizzes and worksheets. Instead, I am reading email and checking out the web with my parent's brand-spankin'-new DSL connection. Likin' it much better than dial up. Now if I only had my own computer hooked up to it.

I am watching "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" with my Juniors. I will soon be watching another movie with my seniors. I figure I'll take Wednesday (the first day I have them back) and go over the questions from the "Merlin" movie and discuss some of the bigger questions involved in King Arthur. I also have to put together a webquest for the origin/truth of King Arthur. I keep forgettin' to do it 'cause I have so much other crap to do. At least my grades are in though.

Went to check out the gym today. I payed a really cheap membership fee at my last gym, so I'm a bit shocked by the price sticker. Still, they are only 5 minutes from home. I'm gonna test 'em out for a week and see how busy they are when I want to be there. While they do open at 5:30 in the morning, I'm not so dedicated to get up at 5 am just to go to the gym. Know what I'm sayin'?

Hope everyone had an okay Monday.

Abundance of Suckiness

So, to recap. Friday morning one of my students died. Another was arrested the day before for selling ADD drugs and various illegal substances. We had snow and sleet. I drove to Maine in said weather. Got here to find a boyfriend who was obnoxious to his parents and well, making some poor decisions when it comes to me.

On the bright side, it dawned on me as I was driving back from Anathema's apartment that there is a gym near me. I have to go in and check it out, but if it is not too expensive, I might sign my fat ass up. It's about 5 minutes from my house--in the opposite direction from work, but that is okay. It's better than the 20 minute drive I used to have to do to go to the gym in the completely opposite-ass direction.

I must say, however, that spending Thursday wtih Anathema was muy fun. We poked around the mall, bought some unmentionables, and ate lunch at Friday's. It was good to just hang out with her, especially because I have no contact with my female friends. Ever. It blows chunks. I need to manage my time better.

So I didn't get in 1/2 my grades like I was supposed to because I thought one of the reading teachers hadn't done hers yet. Turned out she had, but she'd forgotten to give me a copy of them. So I don't know how much trouble I'm going to be in, but I hope not too much. Not to be defensive, but I did mention in front of several of my colleagues during the week that I was just waiting on this one woman's grades and no one ever said to me "You didn't get yours yet? I did." So, well, yeah. I'm still a moron, but other people didn't help any.

Weirdness in the whee hours.

This is the email I just received from my cousin:

dear everybody,
we went to las vegas last weekend and got married.
there was a monkey in the office and elvis was an option. there was almost a
fist fight in the foyer.
it was perfect.
it was hilarious.
i love you all.
am very tired.

My cat is staring at the wall. Strange kitty.

I have to go write a test now.

Say it's not Cleveland.

Watching Mr. Baseball with my mother. If you haven't seen it, you should. Tom Selleck is very good.

So far with my night-before-day-off has consisted of: walking, "fixing" Mother's computer (which wasn't really broken), switching dry sink and liquor cabinet, eating dinner and doing dishes. Now I'm drinking red wine and watching a movie before "The West Wing." Yay, West Wing! CJ is new Chief of Staff. Can I get a what-what?

No. Okay. I felt a little too white for that but figured I'd give it a try anyway.

Had a helluva day, but got "permission" from my mentor to show another movie to my seniors and a movie to my juniors (Sleepy Hollow, yay Johnny Depp). This makes me happier.

Alexander comes out in two weeks. I am SO happy. Pissed about the changes, but I guess America is way too conservative for a gay world leader. Let's ignore the fact that he lived thousands of years ago and oh, by the way, conquered the known world. He was gay, and we must therefore, suppress that. Morons.

What if the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about?

MNF

Just so no one will worry, the weekend ended up going pretty well. Went to see "The Incredibles" (funny movie) and had dinner with his folks, then dinner with my folks the following day. So, yeah. Got it all out in the open with him, so he knows how I'm feeling and where I'm standing on things.

Tensions are rising in the household as my mother's Colts are about to face off against my Vikings. Very, very nerve-wracking. Of course, I'll probably fall asleep by 9:30 and miss most of the fiasco, whichever way it goes.

Didn't walk today, bad me. Will most likely go tomorrow, but who knows.

Snow flakes actually fell at my house today; I walked into one this evening as I was taking groceries in. C'mon now, it's the beginning of f'ing November. Way too early for that crap.

My back still hurts from throwing the tennis ball to the bf's dog. Ouch. Feelin' really smart about that, yeah.

Hate my sophomores. Want them to stop being stupid. Think it might be me.

Don't lay a guilt trip on me

Okay, maybe I'm getting stronger, or just less tolerant, because really, I am so sick of attempted guilt trips. Yes, it's wonderful he's coming home this weekend. But he told me he might not come home until Saturday. So I made plans for Friday night. He says to me "You have all week." NOTHING pisses me off more than this right now; you do not understand how much work a teacher (especially an English teacher) brings home on a regular basis. I barely have time to bathe during the week because I have SO much work to do. And grades are due starting Monday, so you can imagine how much of a life I had this week.

So I'm irate about that. And he's pissed because, I'm sure, he doesn't think I care about him or something. Told me it was "bull shit" that I didn't know how late I was going to be out tonight. Told him flat out he wasn't going to make me feel bad about this.

Grr.

Arg.

Etc.

And, on top of all THAT, I just realized that my birthday is exactly one month away. I hate my birthday. Nothing good ever happens on my birthday. I'm terrified about what's going to happen this year.

Also, I'm having trouble actually viewing my own blog. How incredibly f'ed up is that.

I am...

...a morning person
...not happy with my weight
...a wanna-be-writer trapped in a pragmatist's body
...a mother-in-waiting
...highly uncomfortable with new people
...afraid of being alone forever
...willing to wait for something that's worth my time
...in love with a man who's not quite sure about me
...more attached to my cat than is probably healthy
...addicted to the color blue
...hopelessly lazy when it comes to diet and exercise
...ready for a change
...afraid of making a mistake
...scared that my students are right and I do, indeed, suck
...a homebody
...someone who likes to get out and dance
...a traveler with no income to do som
...not as smart as I want to be
...sick of earning what my brother is given
...someone who gets frustrated with her father
...a feminist who wants to stay at home
...very much like my mother
...a push-over
...terrified of confrontation
...someone who has over-estimated her own abilities for far too long
...willing to take 'no' for an answer
...skeptical of compliments
...confused about how to make myself better
...not-so-hopeful that I CAN make myself better

(This post brought to you by two days of professional development that asked us to become better people.)

Did you vote? 'Cause I did.

Yup, even got the little sticker to prove it. My votes were counted around 6:20 EST. Only 13 more hours 'til the polls close. Oy.

Anyway, had to post this WEIRD dream I had before I go off to get professionally developed. In this dream, I was in some sort of library with all these people. However, Denderawas the only person I knew who was there. For some reason we were trying to get from one of the book cases to another using a rope bridge of some kind. But only part of it was connected; there was this huge opening on one side. The bridge kept swinging; I kept almost falling to the cold tile below. We eventually got the whole thing settled, then Dendera and I had a heart-to-heart about...something, not sure what. This guy starts talking to us, who in the dream we knew and was somehow interested in Dendera. She blew him off, we crossed the rope bridge (again) and then we were down on the ground sitting there giggling about boys. Talking about her relationship with M. and how really he had just been a warm body in a lot of ways, although she got her anatomical pieces mixed up as to which he had. (Let me tell you, hearing Dendera say...er, cat, is very funny, even in a dream) Everyone around us was looking at us very strangely.

So yeah. Weird ass dream. That will give the Goddess of War something to think about as she waits oh-so-patiently for the votes to be counted.

This post brought to you by a need for female companionship and poor sleeping patterns.