Drive-home poetry

This poem is brought to you by some deep insecurities, and a Dido song about overcoming addiction. My brain does weird things.


I came here with
myself tonight,
but I'm hoping to leave
with someone else.

Because the girl
I brought isn't
much of what
I thought she'd be.

I need someone stronger,
who'll speak her mind freely,
who speaks with her muse
and is great at it all.

So pass me a margarita,
with a jack and coke to chase,
because the girl who shows up
after Jaeger and wine

is much more entertaining
to have around.

Adieu, M. Orbach

Jerry Orbach, of "Law and Order" and "Dirty Dancing" fame, died Tuesday. This guy has always been there, and he was young, only in his 60s, so this is actually quite sad. Just wanted to make everyone aware.

I did weights at the gym yesterday, so of course all my muscles hurt today. I will be good and go back today for more fun with the treadmill, but I will have to force myself to go on Friday, as Mom & I must grocery shop. Old Mother Hubbard had more in her cabinets than we do.

Went to see "The Life Aquaitic" last night. I'm still not really sure what I think of this movie. I laughed a bit, but I think it's one of those things that'd make a lot more sense with a buzz on. As Bill Murray's character was smoking up throughout the entire thing, that might be the intention. Still, Willem DeFoe (who is quickly become one of my favorite wacky actors) did a good job...actually, everyone did. The movie was just...very strange. I still need to see "The Phantom of the Opera;" I can't wait. My father once said (of the stage show) that "If all musical theatre was like that, I would have season tickets to the Bushnell." Now, anyone who knows my father understands what a statement this is from him.

Watched "King Arthur" yesterday too. The Director's Cut is a little bloodier, there was an extra scene or two...not much of a change, however. Still, I don't think the movie is as bad as some people did. Actually, I really enjoyed it. Not your traditional take on the story, but it's nice to see a strong Guinevere. And the landscape (Ireland, btw, for those interested) is of coure stunning. Did you know the actors did 90% of their own stunts and sword work, including Keira? Did you know she was only 18 when they filmed it? I wonder if Clive Owen was a little skeeved out by their love scene. No, probably not.

[Edited because I don't want to anger anyone.]

Here, a quiz, courtesy of Leila's blog:

100 Years by Five for Fighting

"Every day's a new day... 15 there's still time for you Time to buy and time to choose Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live" 2004 was about thinking and reflecting - but isn't every year?

What 2004 Hit Song Are You?

Moments of Insecurity

So, despite all attempts to not think about work this week, I find myself thinking about nothing but work. Everything I screwed up in the past week, how I'm ever going to make up for it in the eyes of my colleagues, bosses and students. The students are the ones I'm really worried about; a few of them seem to think I've lost some paper work of theirs. This did happen once before, but the work wasn't lost, so much as placed in a drawer in a hurry and forgotten about until I went back into the drawer. This is not my hyper-organized, Type A self, the Lady Vader you all know and love. New Year's Resolution: Get back into the swing of being me.

Also, attempted some writing over the past few days. Quite frankly, I think I suck. Nothing feels good, all of my characters seem hollow, flat or (in the case of fan fiction) completely not who they are supposed to be. I don't know...maybe I really am not that good. I mean, let's be honest, do I suck? I think I might. I should probably give up all hopes of ever being really good and stop writing all together. I'm too sporadic about it, too whimsical. All my characters sound the same. New Year's Resolution: Find out if I really am a writer, or just a hack.

Went to buy my stuff for connecting my computer to the internet via the wireless web and swore at my parents' computer for 1/2 of an hour. Gave up and called the bf, who will be here on Thursday to make it all better. Hopefully. He can work miracles with all things electronic, so we shall hope that he knows something about it that I clearly do not. The guy at Best Buy, however, treated me like an utter moron, when I knew exactly what I needed.

Went to the mall by myself today, which is really a depressing situation. Walked into several stores, but nothing really fascinated me. Okay, well, I saw this REALLY cute Eeyore in The Disney Store, but I couldn't answer the "Where are you going to put it?" question, so I didn't buy it. He was only $10 too. Also went into a sports paraphenlia store hoping to buy a new Vikings' Jersey, but they didn't have any in my size and I wasn't paying $65 for something that didn't really fit. Guess I'll have to go online.

Did I tell you how I cleaned up my room on Monday in the snow? Yup, cleared out some knick knacks and culled the heard of 'literature' I've been collecting since high school. It didn't seem like a lot of outward progress, but I notice the difference. And so did my father. But that could just be that I vacuumed.

Reading my way through vacation. Hope those of you who have the time off are being equally relaxed.

Yay for Boxing Day

Hello to everyone on the post-Christmas side of things. Or are we pre-Christmas again? Guess it depends on how you feel about tinsel and fruitcake.

Had a very low-key day yesterday, which means I read a lot and Dad and I watched a whole bunch of bad movies on TV. When Mom came up, we drank champagne, then we opened presents. I got these really cool pens that look like swords, and a white cape I'd been eyeing in a catalog for months. Forget the veil--if I get married, I'm wearing this cape. My brother spent too much money on me and the BF continued the jewlery set he started our first christmas together; a beautiful necklace.

So, on to a book review. No one should read "The Pearl Saga" by Eric Van Lustbader. Trust me. The writing is of mediocre fanfiction quality, it speeds through entirely too quickly, and the end just sorta...stopped. After three books, he really should have tied up all the loose ends; another series would be beating a dead horse. So if that's what someone was planning on reading it...stop. Find yourself some trashy romance novels. It'd be more worth your time.

Do not ask me about Wednesday.

I think we'll just leave it at that.

Today was a 1/2 day, and I spent it watching the first 75 minutes of "The Princess Bride" with three different classes. Surprisingly, not a lot of my students have seen it.

Conversation with a freshman (during the Wesley/Inigo fencing scene)

Student: Ms. T, are they speaking Spanish?
Me: No, they're speaking fencing.
Student: Well, why isn't it subtitled then?
[PAUSE]
Me: They're speaking English, but they're talking about fencing.
Student: Oh.

And, God bless one of my other freshmen. I saw him in the cafeteria today during the Freshmen Pizza Party (I didn't have his class today). Conversation as follows:

Student: Ms. T, did you bring in "Star Wars?"
Me: We don't have class together today, C; you're going home after this.
Student: Darn it. Yours was the only class I was looking forward to.

That ALMOST made up for yesterday.

So, after I get home, Dad and I go shopping. We left at approximately 1:45; we did not get home until 5:30 due to traffic, parking garage morons, and a non-functional traffic light at a large intersection in town.

Oh what fun it is to ride.

The polka-muzack Christmas music is back. I'm getting my jingle bell on. Yeah baby.

Here, have some quizzes:


Which Elemental Goddess are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Which HP Kid Are You?


What's Your Outlook on Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Are You in Touch with Your Inner Pagan?

I wore all blue today (well, except for my pants) because of the Solstice. I almost wore my cape, but would have had to de-fur the thing and that would've taken way too long. Ah well. Perhaps tomorrow.

Students were particularly hellish today after the snow day; I really was feeling rather angry with them. It's these sophomores man, they just won't calm down, and I don't know what to do about them. Gosh, they piss me off.

Anyway, staff meeting was actually SHORT today for a change. Also didn't have a dept. meeting so I got some stuff done. Not all done, but done-enough.

Going to hang out with Anathema tonight. Yay for girl time!

Really don't have much else to say. Feeling very hyper. Maybe I caught Bulky's ADD.

SNOW DAY!

My first snow day as a teacher. Of course, I still haven't gotten a phone call, but the school's name keeps popping up on the bottom of Channel 3 so...yay! We have 5 or 6 snow days built into our year, so I'm not too bummed about the June impediment. Yeah, I've been up since 5 am but...well, I don't mind being awake. I know that makes me a freak. I'll probably read some, maybe even write...I got all my lessons planned and papers graded yesterday, so I won't have to do any of that stuff today. I've got a whole bunch of movies; maybe I'll spend my day watching those.

The dog is snoring. Funny.

So, my brother left the house at 5am yesterday. To go to his ex-girlfriend's new apartment. She'd been calling him all night. I picked up the phone twice in the middle of the night only to have no response--it was probably her. This, for those of you who don't know, is the girl who's as old as my bf. My brother is 4 years younger than I am. I'm trying to figure out what a 26-year-old-woman sees in a 21-year-old man. Because...yeah. Well, anyone with any insight that won't skeeve me out (this is my brother we're talking about) please share.

I wrapped all of my presents yesterday. It seemed like I bought more than I actually did, but it felt good to put people's names on the prettily-wrapped packages and know that someone was (hopefully) going to smile by what I gave them. I already spread some Xmas joy over to Iraq, so I got that little high early, but I am eager to see other people happy. How sappy is that?

I did indulge for myself on Saturday and bought some VS pajamas with the giftcard they sent me for my birthday. They're pretty, but the top is taking some getting used to.

"Women Obsessed with Psychics, next Dr. Phil." Who the heck makes up this stuff?

Hope everyone has a fantabulous Monday!

Weekend, Sweet Weekend

I just spent the last 5 minutes trying to negotiate the internet with a 10lb feline on my lap. Not as easy as one might imagine. She's now gone to bother the dog.

Well, let's see...my life is actually back to normal. Actually, better than normal. How often does a person get to say that? I feel...confident now. About a lot of stuff. I like that.

I went to see the lights in Constitution Plaza last night (cold, but worth it) and then we went Xmas shopping for all of the BF's little cousins. I bought two toys for the Stuff-A-Cruiser campaign and really felt good about it.

My one caveat to what turned out to be a really good week was my large sophomore class. The little buggers stole a pack of passes from me. I mean...wtf is up wtih that. Passes? They're such assholes. I cannot seem to get these kids in line. At wits end, don't know what to do. I'll have to review some stuff for the new year. People tell me to chalk it up to Christmas, and I think I'll use that as a scapegoat for now.

I have to pay bills this morning and then go Christmas shopping for my bf's family. No idea what to get any of them. I have to finish buying for HIM too. At least I know what I'm getting him. The problem is I've got a ton of ideas and I don't know which ones to latch on to. Have to save something for his birthday 'cause who knows if I'll be teaming with ideas then?

Hope everyone has a splendid weekend-before-Christmas.

Random conversation

BF: like it?
Me: very image-filled
BF: I know, I'm an adjective whore
BF: but I tossed it together fairly quickly
Me: Adjective whore...i like that
Me: i'm a dialogue slut, personally

I have ADD tonight and do not feel like doing anything. Really should be doing lesson plans but I just want to sit around and...be happy. 'Cause I'm really happy today. That just dawned on me. I think the Xmas spirit (despite my shopping procrastination) has finally bit said grinch on the ass.

And don't YOU all feel special; you got two posts from me in a single day.

The adoration may begin.

Guilty pleasures

Engaging in one of my guilties pleasures--the egg roll. This is why I love chinese food. Well, that and the noodles. But the egg roll is heavenly.

Horrible sophomores were horrible as per expectations (they stole a stack of blank detention forms...like that somehow makes me less likely to give them?), but my other kids (once I removed a particularly vocal student) were actually really into a conversation we were having about all sorts of things. After a few interruptions, I got them to really listen to each other. It was a beautiful thing. This kid that I had to kick out...the problem with him is that when he does something, and you punish him for it, he immediately gets all "well what's that about?" and tries to get you to justify your punishment in the middle of class. That is 1) not the time for it, 2) not really neccessary and 3) disruptive. So I kicked him out. It's not like I kick a lot of kids out, just the same few who cannot seem to behave.

Anyway, I'm not sure how tomorrow's lesson will go, but I'm going to start the book with them on Friday and then give them a little bit of homework over the weekend.

Juniors are still bucking Poe, even though we're doing "The Fall of the House of Usher." I just couldn't get 'em to shut up after lunch and so I had to assign more homework than was the plan. I think I'm too easy on them...well, I know I am. But isn't it better to get them to do little chunks of something than not have them to do any of it at all? At least, that's the theory.

As to the fiasco that has been so recently broadcast...let us just say that I'm not going to be indulging in the Ben & Jerry's therapy I'm sure we all thought was forthcoming.

I don't WANNA plan lessons

I totally just stepped on my cat's paw. Oops.

There's a cycle change tomorrow, which means I get my fiasco sophomores back and my lazy juniors. I've got them sort of figured out; well, at least one of them, but the sophomores...oy. I'm going to start To Kill a Mockingbird and I'm trying to figure out how best to do that. I think I probably won't get into the book tomorrow; I'll most likely wait until Thursday to dance that dance. But I still need to keep them busy for 50-100 minutes tomorrow. Some of the kids have to finish a test still, but what to do with the buggers who a) finished or b) won't take the opportunity to finish because they're morons? I mean, I hate even having to GIVE them more time, because they had enough. But a lot of the good kids didn't get a chance to finish so...well, I guess I gotta give more time.

My house is FUCKING FREEZING! And as much as I am woman, mighty and strong, fire-starting is not one of my fortes. Not much of a Druid, I guess, but still. That's what Daddy's are for, yes? Yes, they start fires when you are incapable of doing so.

Depending on what I get done in the next few hours, I may actually go Christmas shopping. Can you believe I still haven't done it? I think this is a record-late start, even for me.

Sarie, I need the address you want your present shipped to, darling.

I want to thank EVERYONE who is watching the melee that is going on and is concerned. Not sure if that really covers it, but I think that's all I can say about it right now.

Doin' alright, all things considered

I know everyone probably wants me to address what's going on.

For once, I'm going to keep my mouth (mostly) shut.

Suffice it to say that I'm thinking. A lot. About everything. I'm looking at me, I'm looking at the relationship, I'm looking at him. This is a very weird way to have something fly apart at the seams.

For those of you concerned about my mental health: I successfully made it through the day at work without having any sort of break down with my students or in the teachers' lounge. I feel said breakdown coming on now, however.

For what it's worth, I don't want it to end this way, either.

Guess I gotta go back

Well, after a lot of sleep on Friday, I'm actually feeling much better. Granted, I haven't done anything really strenuous (read: I've walked up and down the stairs a few times) but I think I'll be o-k to go back to work. The kids won't be seeing my usual enthusiasm for life, but I'll be more enthusiastic than I was on Thursday when all of my kids kept asking me if I was in a bad mood.

We got our Christmas tree today. White lights, red ribbons, and some assorted glass balls are all that decorated it; very traditional and simple. Trying to convince the bf he wants to go to Mystic and look at it all lit up for Christmas; doesn't that sound quaint and terribly New England? I think it sounds cold, but different.

Here's to a winning Vikings' day.

First Sick Day

Yes, after passing out and taking a header this morning in the living room, I opted to stay home and sleep/rest. Helped a bit. Also drank copious amounts of Gatorade, which, while making my teeth rot, does make me feel better. Yay for pale blue Gatorade!

My mother has this Jazzy Christmas CD on right now. It's a combination of Muzak, Polka, and Christmas standards. Yes, you can imagine, it is THAT bad.

So I missed my own work holiday party, plus the BF's holiday party. I feel bad about the latter, because he seemed pretty excited about it, but I am just too sick. Chills and fever, aches and pains...flu anyone? Thanks, so much.

I blame my brother.

Hope everyone else had a better Friday than I.

The Skill It Takes to Be Me

First, I've got a cold. A nasty cold. It blows. I want it to go away. Hopefully the day-quil will work. I really don't have enough time to get sick and take the time off from work.

Moving on.

Secondly, I did something incredibly moronic today. While pulling my pants on this afternoon, I took a huge gouge out of my left knee with my pinky nail. I'm still dumbfounded that I actually DID it, let alone that it bled and I've currently got it bandaged.

"The West Wing" is taking an ominous turn. I wonder what Donna needs to talk to Josh about. Probably leaving him. Hrrmph.

Quiz:

Harry Potter Meme of All Memes by Osaku
Name/Username
Age
Gender
House	Gryffindor
Wand	Birch, 9", Veela Hair
Best Course	Divination
Worst Course	Spell Theory
Pet	Barred Owl
Patronus	Fox
Quidditch Job	Beater
Wizard Candy	Sherbert Balls
Profession After School	Member of the Order of the Phoenix
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Finally!

Jesus Christ, this is about the fourth time I've tried to post in the past two days.

Anyway.

Had this weird dream last night where I was at the airport about ready to fly with my grandparents and my brother. But I had to use the bathroom, and things...uh, weren't working out in there. But while I was in there, my friend Erin and then my department head came to talk to me through the stall. They had to hold the plane for me, which they did.

According to dreammoods.com:

To dream that you are flying, signifies a sense of freedom where you had initially felt restricted and limited.

To dream that you are in the bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to "relieve yourself". Alternatively, it may symbolize purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically.

To see your coworkers in your dream, highlights aspects of your waking relationship with them, including difficulties/support. It signifies your ambition, struggles and competitive nature.

To dream that you are late, denotes your fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity. You may feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances. Additionally, you may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future.

To see your own family in high spirits in your dream, symbolizes harmony and happiness.

To see your friends in your dream, signifies aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to integrate these rejected part of yourself. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Additionally, this symbol foretells of happy tidings from them and the arrival of good news.

From our darling BulkyMonster: "How did the holy warriors of Allah get to be such pussies? Or, more appropriately, how did such pussies get to be holy warriors of Allah?"

And last but not least:



J.R.R. Tolkien: Lord of the Rings. You are
entertaining and imaginative, creating whole
new worlds around yourself. Well loved, you
have a whole league of imitators, none of which
is quite as profound as you are. Stories and
songs give a spark of joy in the middle of your
eternal battle with the forces of evil.


Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sidenote: Even my mother thinks my bf is being an asshole. Guess that says something, huh?

It's that time again

That's right folks, the month of December marks the official beginning of my yearly depressed state. It started Saturday with my parents' party (which went really well) and me thinking "Even if I get married next year, I'll be 55 before I can have this party. But I won't get married next year. Maybe never. God, that sucks."

Follow THAT with the birthday. I got some nice stuff, but didn't hear from the BF until almost 3:30 and then didn't get much from him. I'm not materialistic, and he did give me the lovely necklace I'm wearing a couple of months ago, but a bottle of wine doesn not scream "I thought long and hard about this," when you know he was at the vineyard earlier that day with his mother and grandmother. I didn't want to seem ungrateful yesterday ('cause he really didn't have to buy me anything) but still...He wondered why I was in a bad mood when we drove to the restaurant. (German food, quite yummy).

Today...well, gave my sophomores tests, finished some Poe with my juniors. Should be working on lesson plans for Fresh/Seniors and grading papers. Mostly that, 'cause I need to send home grade reports with my dahlings.

Oh, and eating like shit, a sure sign of not being happy. I just kept eating today, but I was genuinely hungry although I wasn't even that busy today.

Want to be able to use my new computer, but bf still has my word/powerpoint/etc CD and I need to buy something to get myself on the internet.

"I will treat you like dirt and you will love me anyway, because I am Antonio Banderas."

Sorry, just having a moment.

The weather sucks. I'm tired. Off I go.

Party Panic Procrastination

(do you like the alliteration? 'Cause I sure do.)

Instead of getting ready for the huge ordeal that is the party tonight, my mother and I have been working since about 7:30 AM at making sense of the hell-hole known as my room so I could put my new computer in there and use it at will.

Set backs included:

1. Spending 1/2 an hour moving a 4-shelf, 6-foot tall book case & books to the basement.
2. Vacuuming. (It was really gross, trust me.)
3. My speakers not working.
4. Having no DSL cable.
5. Having to find a home for all of my shit.

During Xmas break, I'll be culling the herd when it comes to books and knick knacks, as the church will really be having it's junk sale in January, and not in October like I thought they were. It'll be hard to let go of some stuff, but it's just taking up room at this point.

I also have a plethora (SAT word) of papers that I REALLY need to go through and figure out what's what with them. Oh. And I have to move all my school stuff into my room. F-me. I forgot about that. Grr. Arg. Etc.

Dad got another deer (not dear, that's how I spelled it at first) this morning. Mum had to bring him one of my brother's tags and she feared she was going to be dragging the body out of the woods, but luckily, Dad was out with someone else and he assisted in the carcass removal.

I just grossed out half my readership. Sorry.

Started a story on Thursday. Don't know what size it's going to be but I've got positive thoughts about it. Keep you all advised.

Death Magnet

Well, I've got another death connected to my classroom. This time, it's a student running his younger brother over with a tractor. As far as anyone knows, it was not intentional, but still. What a day to NOT be in school.

Instead, I took the day off to learn how to manage difficult behaviors in students. I don't know if this thing is going to be a total waste of my time or not, but it's nice to have someone else deal with my hellions for a day so I can get a breather.

Plans are in full swing for the parents' party this weekend. I still have to burn the CDs for the dancing music, but I can do that tonight. I got trapped at Open House last night at the school; you should've seen me trying to give tours and answer questions: I started out a lot of things with "Well, I'm a first year teacher, but..." Parents at least seemed to appreciate my honesty. And my co-guide, one of the Math teachers, said I was an excellent tour guide. Must've been all that practice at Mercy & AMC. I actually liked giving the tours then; this just felt...awkward. Anyway.

Hope everyone survived the first day of December. Here's to 30 more without incident. Cheers!